Those Advice from A Dad That Saved Us during my time as a First-Time Father

"In my view I was just in survival mode for the first year."

One-time reality TV star Ryan Libbey expected to manage the challenges of fatherhood.

Yet the truth rapidly turned out to be "completely different" to his expectations.

Serious health complications surrounding the birth caused his partner Louise being hospitalised. Suddenly he was forced into acting as her main carer in addition to taking care of their baby boy Leo.

"I was doing all the nights, each diaper… every stroll. The job of both mum and dad," Ryan explained.

Following eleven months he became exhausted. It was a conversation with his own dad, on a public seat, that made him realise he needed help.

The direct statement "You're not in a good place. You must get support. In what way can I help you?" created an opening for Ryan to express himself truthfully, seek support and regain his footing.

His story is commonplace, but infrequently talked about. While the public is now more comfortable discussing the pressure on mums and about postpartum depression, far less attention is paid about the challenges fathers go through.

'It's not weak to seek assistance

Ryan believes his challenges are symptomatic of a larger inability to talk between men, who often hold onto negative notions of manhood.

Men, he says, often feel they must be "the harbour wall that just gets hit and doesn't fall every time."

"It's not a sign of failure to ask for help. I didn't do that quick enough," he adds.

Mental health expert Dr Jill Domoney, a specialist focusing on mental health pre and post childbirth, says men frequently refuse to acknowledge they're struggling.

They can think they are "not the right person to be requesting help" - especially in front of a mum and baby - but she highlights their mental well-being is vitally important to the family.

Ryan's conversation with his dad offered him the space to take a pause - spending a short trip abroad, outside of the family home, to gain perspective.

He came to see he needed to make a adjustment to focus on his and his partner's emotions alongside the day-to-day duties of taking care of a infant.

When he shared with Louise, he saw he'd failed to notice "what she was yearning" -holding her hand and hearing her out.

Self-parenting

That realisation has transformed how Ryan perceives parenthood.

He's now composing Leo weekly letters about his journey as a dad, which he wishes his son will see as he grows up.

Ryan thinks these will help his son to more fully comprehend the language of feelings and interpret his parenting choices.

The notion of "parenting yourself" is something rapper and songwriter Professor Green - real name Stephen Manderson - has also strongly identified with since becoming a dad to his son Slimane, who is now four years old.

As a child Stephen was without stable male a father figure. Despite having an "wonderful" connection with his dad, long-standing trauma meant his father found it hard to cope and was "present intermittently" of his life, complicating their connection.

Stephen says suppressing feelings led him to make "poor decisions" when in his youth to alter how he was feeling, seeking comfort in alcohol and substances as a way out from the pain.

"You turn to things that don't help," he says. "They can temporarily change how you are feeling, but they will eventually exacerbate the problem."

Advice for Managing as a First-Time Parent

• Open up to someone - if you're feeling under pressure, tell a friend, your partner or a professional about your state of mind. Doing so may to reduce the stress and make you feel less isolated.
• Keep up your interests - make time for the activities that helped you to feel like yourself before becoming a parent. It could be playing sport, socialising or a favourite hobby.
• Look after the physical health - eating well, staying active and when you can, sleep, all play a role in how your mind is coping.
• Connect with other new dads - sharing their journeys, the challenges, and also the good ones, can help to put into perspective how you're feeling.
• Remember that asking for help isn't failing - looking after you is the most effective way you can care for your household.

When his father eventually died by suicide, Stephen understandably found it hard to accept the passing, having not spoken to him for a long time.

As a dad now, Stephen's committed not to "repeat the pattern" with his own son and instead offer the safety and emotional guidance he lacked.

When his son is about to have a outburst, for example, they do "shaking the feelings out" together - processing the feelings constructively.

Both Ryan and Stephen say they have become more balanced, healthier men due to the fact that they faced their issues, changed how they talk, and figured out how to regulate themselves for their sons.

"I have improved at… dealing with things and dealing with things," says Stephen.

"I expressed that in a letter to Leo last week," Ryan shares. "I wrote, on occasion I think my role is to guide and direct you what to do, but the truth is, it's a exchange. I'm learning as much as you are on this path."